I feel as if I say this nearly every time I sit down to write one of these Coffee Break posts, but… Time is completely flying by. Wasn’t New Year’s Eve just yesterday? How are we already halfway through February?? And will time ever finally slow down???
…that’s probably wishful thinking, isn’t it? 😉
Since the answer to that last question is probably a resounding “no,” let’s just move right along…
And instead, let’s pretend that you and I are sitting across the table from each other at your favorite coffee shop, sipping mochas or chai lattes or even hot chocolate and catching up on life!
And if that’s what was happening, then this really big life update, one that makes me feel so nervous yet so at peace at the same time, is what I would share with you…
“Put people first.
There will always be time to study longer, to work harder, to earn more. But when we sacrifice every moment in the present to chase those things — a better job, a higher raise, a bigger bank account — what meaning will the future actually hold, when we’ve let those people and those friendships fall by the wayside?
Certain people come into our lives for a reason. Sometimes they’re here once a year, or once a decade, or once a lifetime.
Seize those moments. Love them. Cherish them.
When we come to the end of our lives, those people and the moments we spent with them, not those hours of studying and working and earning, will be what we remember and what matter most. ♡”
I wrote that reminder to myself almost 3 ½ years ago. I shared it on my personal Instagram account, along with a photo of one of my best friends. We had spent the afternoon walking around our old high school campus, watching the annual field show competition the marching band hosted every year, cheering and laughing and catching up.
You’d think that message would’ve sunken in back then…
But no.
I still need a reminder… Almost every week, it seems like.
For almost seven years, I’ve worked on Amy’s Healthy Baking nearly seven days a week, nearly every week of the year. Even on weekends, even on vacations, even on holidays… There are always emails to check, comments to respond to, social media posts to share, and DMs to reply to… In addition to the hours and hours of work that go into each and every new recipe that I share: research, testing, retesting, retesting some more, dishes, photography, editing, writing, uploading, social sharing, grocery shopping, you name it.
Don’t get me wrong… I absolutely love my career and feel so incredibly blessed to call Amy’s Healthy Baking my full-time job. I wouldn’t change that at all. Ever. Not in a million years.
And yet…
As a result, I haven’t fully been there for other people — or for myself.
Almost exactly six years ago, my workaholism started to take a toll on my health. That’s a long story for another day, but in a nutshell, my body stopped functioning. I scheduled appointments with almost a dozen different doctors, and each one said the same thing…
“You’re perfectly healthy on paper. I don’t know what’s wrong.”
I battled every day. I fought to make it through, fought the pain and discomfort, fought to keep baking and recipe testing, even when my body rejected virtually all of the foods I put into it… Including my own healthy homemade ones.
It was hard. So freaking hard.
I worried. I stressed. I hurt.
I cried. A lot.
I questioned myself. I questioned my career. I questioned whether I was even the right girl for this, the right person to share healthy recipes with you when my body was so far from healthy… And I constantly worried that you might find out, that others might call me a hypocrite for creating and posting healthy recipes when “healthy” was the last thing you could call me and my body.
Sure, I did all of the “right” healthy things… I ate healthy foods, exercised daily, got enough sleep…
But my body still wouldn’t function properly. Ever.
Until last December.
For almost three weeks after a trip to Mexico for my close friend’s wedding, all of my symptoms disappeared. All of them. Every single one.
The only difference?
I was fully present, living fully and completely in the present moment, and listening to my body.
When my body said sleep, I slept. When my body said eat, I ate. When my body said relax, I skipped my workouts. When my body said be spontaneous, I stayed up late and danced under the stars. When my body said alone time, I excused myself from previous obligations and found space to be by myself. When my body said be social, I spent time with new and old friends. When my body said write about your emotions and experiences, I wrote. When my body said laugh, I did… so long and so freely and so much.
I stopped worrying… worrying about work, about food, about exercise, about my body’s usual misbehaving… and especially about what others thought of me.
I was in the moment. Simply living in the moment. Feeling so grateful, so peaceful, so in awe of the magic and miracles happening all around me.
I was present. Fully and completely present. Letting myself be Amy… just Amy… and not Amy’s Healthy Baking.
And then…
The holidays arrived. They brought the stress of travel, of picking out gifts, of being everywhere and everything that people wanted me to be. The stress of gearing up for January, the busiest time of the year for Amy’s Healthy Baking due to the general population’s health-oriented New Year’s resolutions, and the stress of scheduling as much high-quality content and as many high-quality new recipes as possible.
The stress of returning back to my old habits and old ways…
And my body immediately let me know it.
All of the same health issues returned… and then some. Many felt worse than before.
Yet finally… I knew what caused them. Even though no doctor ever figured it out, I knew.
My body was telling me to slow down. To rest. To pivot. To reevaluate my priorities. To stop being such a workaholic… And to start taking care of myself. To start listening to my inner wisdom and intuition. To trust them. To start putting myself — my body, my heart, and my soul — first.
It scared me. It scared the living daylights right out of me.
Being a Type A overachieving perfectionistic workaholic… That constantly working, pushing, and striving lifestyle was all I had ever known. And now…
Now my body was telling me I needed to do the opposite. To slow down. To rest. To stop working…
And to start living.
To start being the real, true, authentic being I’ve always been all along, even when I tried hiding those quirky and imperfect sides of me… And to start believing that this being, the being I truly am, is still beautiful and incredible and good enough.
I’m still figuring out what that all means. I’m still figuring out the details of what life is going to look like moving forward. I’m still figuring out how to balance my love for you — my infinite love for you and all that you’ve done for me, how you’ve enabled me to make Amy’s Healthy Baking my full-time job and my full income source and how I’m eternally grateful for you and your role in that — and my love of baking… How to balance those with slowing down, resting more, and letting my body and soul be my guide.
But…
By no means is this good-bye. I can definitely promise you that!
I still have hundreds of recipe ideas that I want to try. I still have dozens of brand new blog posts that I’ve already photographed and written coming your way. I still love — with a capital L-O-V-E — doing what I do here, baking and blogging and sharing recipes with you on Amy’s Healthy Baking.
So I think… This is more of a check-in. Of letting you know where I’m at. Of sharing what’s going on behind the scenes and telling you not to worry if there are fewer recipes appearing in your email inbox or your Instagram feed in the upcoming weeks.
And this is also me opening up and inviting you to follow along on this new and different journey, the one where I continue to learn how to be my truest and most authentic self, trusting my soul’s wisdom — rather than the logic of my brain — and letting that guide my footsteps on my life’s path.
Because…
I have a feeling that I’m not the only one going through this.
I have a feeling that somewhere out there, maybe you or your friend or even a complete stranger… Maybe somebody else is going through something similar.
Maybe your body hasn’t been going through a health crisis for six years (I certainly hope not!)… But maybe you’re feeling just as lost and confused as I was. Maybe you’re doubting your talents and skills. Maybe you’re wondering if — or desperately hoping — there’s more to life than what’s currently in front of you.
And if that’s true… If any part of that is true…
Then I want you to know you’re not alone.
You are definitely not alone.
For the most part, I’m planning on keeping Amy’s Healthy Baking mostly focused on recipes.
But if you’d like to follow along with everything else, with what I’m learning and sharing as I continue to evolve and grow in this other space… the one more focused on whole-life and whole-body health, trusting my body, listening to my heart and soul’s wisdom, and trusting their guidance… I’ll be sharing that through email here.
It’s an entirely separate email list, completely different from my recipe emails, so if you’ve signed up for my recipe emails and would like to receive these other insights and updates, you’ll still need to sign up for this new email list here.
Regardless of whether you only care about recipes, you have a strong interest in these new insights, or you’re somewhere in between…
I’m still grateful for you. So incredibly grateful for you.
You have impacted my life. You have made a difference, a very big difference, and I truly appreciate that.
Thank you. Thank you for what you’ve done, the role you’ve played, and the beautiful soul that you are. ♡
And I’m so excited to see what this next chapter has in store for both of us.
Take care of yourself! You only have one life and you know how to best live it for you 🙂 Can relate to this on many levels and took me hitting rock bottom with the Type A perfectionist stuff to really re-evaluate. Listen to your body and your heart. Everything will work out how it’s supposed to! Rooting for you and thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your feelings.
I am new to your site and I so enjoy your healthy recipes. I look forward to many more but I hope you take care of yourself! Life is hard and crazy and it takes a strong will to stop the spinning wheel and finally make a change.
I’m so honored that you’re enjoying my recipes Jennifer! That means so much to me, and I’m truly grateful that you’d take the time to let me know. Thank you so much for your kind words and support!! ♡
Not going to sign up for the new e-mail, but I do love your recipes and techniques and I held my breath toward the end, thinking that you were going to tell us that you aren’t going to conitnue them I look foward to continuing those.
Stay well.
My recipes will definitely still be here for you! 🙂 I’d love to hear what you think of any recipes of mine that you decide to try!
Thank you Amy for your kind heart and dedication to make sure we are taken care of. I appreciate your honesty and want you to know. It seems to be a time of regeneration for you and I will promise you to remember your trials and journey and pray for you when I do. You have an amazing heart and everything you do is awesome. I’ve enjoyed your blog and recipes for a while. Take care and do what is necessary for you. I won’t go anywhere and will enjoy, share and use what you send my way. May you continue to have the bold courage you are showing now and the faith to continue.
Oh Janet, thank you SO much for your sweet words and support! I’m incredibly grateful for your kind thoughts and prayers. It means a lot to me that you’d say such kind things about my recipes and me — and that you’d say you weren’t going anywhere. My heart is so full right now! You’re such a gem and such a beautiful soul! ♡
Thank you so much for your kind words, Katie! I’m truly grateful for your support! 🙂 It’s always so nice and reassuring to know that we’re not alone, especially with our perfectionist struggles. I’m so honored that you’d take the time to share your story!
Just appreciate your truthfulness & want to share that I’m older & wish to check ALL your recipes but wonder if you could have LESS to be read before giving the recipe. I’m slow & don’t have enerrgy & time to use so much of the day on computer & many to READ also. I need help to get the recipes quicker as want to learn how to eat more healthy & still make delish foods. Th U, God Bless, Marla
I really appreciate your interest in my recipes Marla! I’m not offended at all if you scroll right past all of my stories and tips in my blog posts to get straight to the recipe. I understand your time is precious, and you should spend it however you see best fit! 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing all your feelings and thoughts, so helpful for many of us to know it is ok to let things go for a while. Best of luck with your new journey and taking care of your body and soul. I know exactly how it is when body and health start responding to our need to be perfectionist, I’m one myself, and have suffered with health issues that have been very hard to diagnose. Looking forward to new recipes and hearing about the new you.
It’s my pleasure, Karyn! I’m truly honored that these words spoke to you. I debated for a really long time about whether it was worth sharing, but eventually, I realized that it would be worth posting if there was anyone else going through something similar who needed to know that they weren’t alone in their struggles… So it means so much that you found this helpful and reassuring. I hope you start to find the peace and relief you deserve — because you really, truly do deserve them. ♡
Guess what? Have you ever heard the saying, “you’re your own worst enemy.? That sounds like you in a nutshell. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Nobody expects you to do this blog or to make yourself sick in the process. As someone said above, you only get this one life to live..one kick at the can, so why ruin it. You obviously know what needs to be done to make yourself feel whole again…so do it. Nobody (other than you!) expects you to do this fulltime..so don’t. We’ll all be here when you make yourself right again. Life is short..believe me. Once you hit 60, you will wonder what the heck happened. So, enjoy life! Live it .
I’m so grateful for your support, Colleen! Such wonderful reminders that you share. It’s so true that we only get one chance at life and that it’s worth doing whatever it takes to feel whole and complete. Thank you so much for taking the time to share these important reminders! ♡
Thanks, Amy.
Let God bless and keep you–He knows what we need to trust and rest in Him and not our own strength:)
I’m forwarding your coffee break to a friend who suffered a heart attack 🙁 because he couldn’t learn to rest. Hope your blog helps clarify things for him.
I’m truly honored that you’d forward my Coffee Break to your friend, Lynne! That means the world to me, and I hope he’s able to find more peace and relief in this next chapter of his life. Thank you so much for your incredibly sweet thoughts and prayers too — you’re such a sweetheart and a gem! ♡
So brave of you to share your life and feelings with the rest of the world! Blessings for you and really wishing you the best! ♥
You’re so sweet Alicia — thank you! That truly means a lot! ♡
Thank you. Thank you for your courage to share your innermost conflicts and joys along with your newfound path. Some of the most powerful decisions we make in life are when we look inward and sit with ourselves and truly assess our needs. It’s not easy switching from power/control/productivity mode to striving for peace and harmony. Theres always a balance, and through experience we all know (or at least I damn well do) our bodies will let us know with hellfire if its off. It’s so so important to listen, and I am so so proud and thankful that you are. Each journey is their own, yet you may not yet know the impact that you sharing this turning point may have on others. It is so so powerful and moving. Take care of yourself, Amy, and breathe DEEPLY. Your value is not of what you can give. It is inherent. Treasure each moment. With ENDLESS LOVE -Savannah
Beautifully said, Savannah!❣️
Oh Savannah… I have endless love for YOU right now!! ♡ I’m SO grateful for your sweet comment and incredible reminders. It’s so true, what you say about control and productivity versus peace and harmony… and especially about our bodies letting us know when we’re out of balance. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the reminder of our value being inherent and treasuring each moment. You’re so thoughtful and such a gem to share these words, and I’m incredibly honored that you’d take the time to do so! Sending so much peace, joy, and love your way!
So proud to call you a friend! You’re truly a special soul. Stay in touch. Continue this beautiful journey forever! So happy for you.
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I’m SO incredibly grateful for you, Lauren!! You’re such a sweetheart and a true gem. I feel so lucky to be able to call you my friend! ♡
Amy,
I know what you are going through. The feeling that you are not enough. I suffer from an eating disorder and I have those very same thoughts. I was taught to listen to your body, be kind to it, accept and respect it. You only have one body and you need to take care of it. It is a work in progress, but it will get better through patience and time. I have been following you for years and have your cookbook. I signed up the the other emails. Following your journey will help others and also myself. Take care of yourself. I am here for you!!!
Ilene
Thank you so much for your sweet words, Ilene! I’m truly honored that you’d trust me and share your story. Those thoughts that fill our heads can be hard to escape and hard to change, but you are so strong to have made this much progress already and come so far in your journey. You’re such a gem and such a beautiful soul! ♡ It means the world to me that you’ve been following me for so long and that you’ve purchased my cookbook too. My heart feels so full right now — I’m incredibly grateful for you!!
Amy,
I appreciate your kind words as well. I am so grateful that I have a great support team. Without them, I don’t know if I would have made it this far. Whatever struggles people go through, whether big or small, it is helpful to be there for one another. People need to be kind to one another and not be judgemental of them in any way.
Ilene
Yes — absolutely!! Having people surrounding us that are so positive, uplifting, and supportive makes such a big difference in our daily lives and our journeys, especially our journeys towards healing. My heart is so happy for you that you have people like that in your life! ♡
Amy, I just found your site this week. I just made two of your recipes today. I have not signed up for your recipe e-mails but I am going to sign up for your new e-mail. I found your site due to a lot of the things you talked about in this post. My goal of this year is to LISTEN to my body, so I am excited to hear someone else have the same goal.
I’m so honored that you’ve signed up for these new emails and that you’ve already made two recipes from my website, Kim! I hope you enjoyed the recipes that you made, and I truly appreciate you taking the time to let me know as well! 🙂 It means so much that you’d share your story with me, and it’s really inspiring to hear that you’re putting yourself and your body first. It takes a lot of courage, strength, and perseverance to do that — you’re such an amazing individual! ♡